Monday, January 23, 2012

So What's Next?

I do apologize to all that try to stay updated on my blog. I know how lame it is to keep checking without any updates ever seeming to pop up.

The truth is that I have tried to write several, but my life is so foggy that I can barely find anything to write about. Or if there is something I want to write about, it wound be inappropriate/offensive to put on my blog. It's mostly just the same ol' stuff. Judah did this... Taylor did that... I'm so tired all the time... nothing new there.

The rhythm of my life is still a little volatile. I haven't found that stability that I long for. I recently joined a gym to get my body back in shape, as I've been pretty confident that being unhealthy has something to do with it. Being a mom has strained my resources more than I realized. I know it sounds terrible, but you really have to dumb down all of your senses in order to teach a little person about life. My memory is terrible, my vocabulary is dwindling, and my speech/social skills are clearly suffering.

I know exactly what most people would say to me- "You need to take more time for yourself." as if that is the only advice in the world. If one more person says that to me I might scream. That's not the problem. I do take time for myself, but when I'm out with friends, I still have trouble forming thoughts and problem solving. I can't think on the spot usually. Ricky could ask me a question that I can't answer for several minutes. People notice this a lot, but they misinterpret my reactions to something close to being angry or upset- or tired. The time I take to focus, think through it, and come up with a solution or response gets frustrating. So everyone ends up frustrated.

So my hope lies in exercise. Hopefully I'll start to perk up with some extra blood flow to the brain, and if my body's not constantly dragging, I'll be able to jump ahead of the curve. Buts these are hopes that are yet to be tested and proved. I'll keep my fingers crossed.

On the up side, I've been reading a lot more. Ricky and I have spent hours just reading before we go to bed. I've never read a whole lot in my entire life, and suddenly I have come alive in books. To actually look forward to reading a book is an idea that I never thought I'd experience. It turns out that the answer to this problem was quite simple. You should read something you're interested in. In the past, I've only ever read books that I had to, and so it never grabbed me. Now, Ricky lets me borrow his books, and I love them. It only took him 5 years to persuade me to read one, and now we fight over the Kindle. Ricky says that my speech has already improved now that I am using my brain more. :) Gee, thanks, Ricky.

I guess I'm just waiting for the next step in my life. I have a "so what's next?" sort of feeling. Being stagnant is a terrible thing to be.