So here we are. We've finished week 2. Last night, Daniel and Mandy took Judah for a few hours, and James offered to watch Taylor for a bit. Ricky and I took the chance to go to dinner together ALONE since we know that will not happen very often until Taylor is older. That was nice to be alone, but of course, all I could think about was whether James was able to keep her asleep or if she was screaming.
I am feeling a little better. I mean, I know I am not sleeping much at night, but I think my body is adjusting to less sleep. I don't usually feel the need to sleep much during the day due to my "mommy brain." I am up and about doing laundry, and cooking once in awhile, and doing the dishes. That's good I suppose. Once Ricky is back at work, I'll hopefully be able to quickly adjust to taking care of two small children alone.
It's mostly the monotony that I struggle with. Taylor needs to eat every 2-3 hours, so every 2-3 hours, I have to sit and breastfeed for anywhere between a half hour to an hour depending on how awake she is to take a feeding. That is a lot of sitting. It gets old really fast, having to sit and feed, and change the diaper, sometimes 2 or 3 times between feedings, and trying to help her sleep. And around and around it goes, over and over again.
I've said it before, and I'll say it many more times, it is easier being able to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Just 6 more weeks and she'll be sleeping 8 hours straight through the night, and up to 12 hours shortly after that. 6 weeks seems so long from where I sit... But mommy and daddy will be getting plenty of sleep, Judah will have a playmate (sorta), and things will begin to "normalize" (whatever that means). I just need to be patient, which is not coming easily.
Lord, please give me Your patience, because mine is completely inadequate. I need Your grace and Your mercy to cover me and pull me out of these feelings of detachment, apathy, and weariness. I want to be the best mother I can be, and I need Your help to do that. These children belong to You and I want to raise them in Your righteousness. Show me Your way and Your bearing to get through this difficult beginning, and lead me beside still waters.
And thank you for Ricky.