Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Chump Change

There's a lot on my mind lately, and I'm not talking about the obvious things like moving, and how much it sucks being preggers, etc. There is so much change in our lives that is starting to move everything around. It's all good stuff, but just provides me with a lot to think about.

I have been a leader for the young adults group at our church for...? Well, I have always been a leader since it's existence I guess. Going on 3 and a half years or so. I have filled many roles as a leader, but my most prominent role as of late has been the childcare coordinator. Getting volunteers, and doing schedules, which is much more work than it sounds. Now with the 2nd child on the way, my responsibilities with seem 4 times more daunting. I saw it coming a long ways off, but with it finally here, it seems almost surreal. I will have to step down from leadership for a time. Not sure for how long, but I know it will be the right thing for our family.

We have already made a large sacrifice with Judah taking him every Monday night. We have to be there early, and he is up 2 hours past his bedtime every week. That has been hard for us (and poor JuJu) and it would be next to impossible to try that with 2 children so young. If Judah were a bit older, it may not be as much of an issue, but alas, we will have 2 children under 2 years.

So I have to find a replacement to take over my responsibilities. Eek! Our leadership team is pretty small, so there is no one in there that will be able to take it over. Luckily we are having an "orientation" of sorts next week to hopefully have some new members join the leadership. I am keeping my eyes peeled and I am praying for the right person to come along. Once again, like so much of my life, I am believing that God will provide. He always does. I am praying that whoever He provides will be able to give it more attention than I have been able to.

There's a lot bouncing around in my head. I have a hard time getting it all sorted out and just dealing with one issue at a time. With our church doing a corporate fast, this should be a great time for me to relax and reset things with God, but life circumstances make it difficult. I know that I need to take this time to recharge and reflect. I just need some sleep.

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Thursday, January 14, 2010

Bought a House

Woo hoo! We finally have a working home computer. Now I don't feel so out of touch with the world. TV only does so much for me. Actually, I hate TV; except the FOOD network.

Also, we bought a house! I still can't believe it. There was a house that we both loved and was perfect for everything that we wanted. A big yard, an office for Ricky, good neighborhood, 2 car garage, etc. and the price was just a little out of reach. After looking at several other houses, none of which were great, or what we wanted, we decided to put an offer down on the first house. We knew that there was only a 10% chance that we would get it since the offer was low, but we figured we may as well try.

Well, God came through for us 100% when the owners accepted our offer. They didn't counteroffer or anything! We were blown away, and I still am. I am so excited about it, and I just can't figure out why God did this for us. Judah will get a big yard to run around in, and we have a place to raise our whole family. God is so good.

Things are certainly looking up. I am in a lot of pain from the pregnancy, but it's all around much better. I have been taking Vitamin D (the sunshine vitamin) and I feel that it has helped my mood considerably. I am still tired a lot, but even that is getting better. I have good days and bad days with the fatigue. One day I'll have lots of energy, and others, I have a hard time getting myself off the couch to feed Judah lunch. Hopefully that will continue to get better.

And also, by the way, it's a girl!

Sunday, January 3, 2010

Staying Positive

It's getting harder and harder for me to keep my thoughts positive. I am getting frustrated about so many little things, and it keeps adding up and adding up. I don't feel that I have any relief from it.

With my SAD (seasonal affective disorder) in full swing, and trying to move out of our house, AND being pregnant, AND babysitting my niece, AND getting no good sleep, makes me to feel downright miserable all the time. There are so many things that I want to do, like exercise to get my nonexistent energy levels back to a reasonable level, or just take a freaking nap, or to go one week without feeling broke, or not having to hold back tears all day. I can't do any of these things. It is beyond frustrating, and I have to tell myself to "shut up" constantly just to keep from taking it out on my family.

It kind of makes it a lonely misery. If I talk to anyone about it, they just tell me that it will be over soon... gee, thanks. Or that I am just hormonal, as if I didn't know that already. And if I do talk about it often, I am just being negative, which I don't want either. I don't really understand how it should work. I mean, I should try to stay positive, but I shouldn't "bottle it up" either. It can't be both ways at the same time. This has been a lousy pregnancy, and I'm not even looking forward to being at the end of it. Judah seems to be entering the terrible two's ahead of schedule. We have to save every cent of extra cash that we can so that we can move into a house that we can barely afford so all "extras" are out of the picture. By "extras" I mean needed items that we have been putting off already. I have had a headache for the last week which is not reacting to medicine. Ricky's car might have just died and need to be fixed, and we're going to be eating top ramen for the next 2 months. That's just a little of it.

Doesn't sound so terrible, I know. I think it's harder for me because I have no energy to deal with these things mentally. Everything stresses me out, and I have no relief. Even when I try to pray, as God knows very well, I zone out after a few minutes because my mental energy is running on zero. I wish I had more for Him, since He's the only one that actually knows what I am dealing with, and who is understanding about it.

Anyway, the purpose of this post was to be positive, so here are the positive things in my life.
Ricky is not cheating on me. He's just a great guy in general.
We are going to have a backyard soon.
My list of needs may be long, but people in the next country over have raised children with less stuff and still survived.
Hormones suck, but they will go away in a year.
Top ramen isn't that bad.
I must constantly remind myself of a simple truth. Things may seem bad to me now, but even my situation is blessed compared to the many others whose situation is far worse in every aspect. This is nothing.