Saturday, August 22, 2009

More Ugh

Hasn't been the best week, and it's not going to get much better.

Ricky came home early yesterday so that we could just hang out together. Summer always does this to us. It get so busy with church, and friends, and family, and so despite the fact that Ricky and I are together 24/7, we don't actually have any time together to ourselves. We go from one thing to the next. We have a vacation coming up in a few days that will also combat that. So that has been good to see him some more.

Poor guy. He came home in hopes that he could go see his mom, which didn't work out, so we got that time together. His mom was just diagnosed with breast cancer. What a huge cloud over the entire family. We all love her. I'm not sure I know of anyone who doesn't love her. Now there's that overwhelming question mark off in the distance with so many what-ifs. I talked about what-ifs in my last post, and it seems to be hanging over us all right now. I have felt for quite some time that God would be bringing a lot of change, not that this is what it was, but it's one more brick on the pile... a big brick.

I'm not quite sure how to handle this. Not quite sure how I am supposed to act. I want to stay positive, but being positive can sometimes feel patronizing. We also can't ignore the elephant in the room. It's hard for me to see Ricky dealing with this situation. He is trying to be positive, but he loves her so much. He talks about her all the time. And now his world is shaken. He's not only dealing with emotions about his mom, he's also dealing with emotions and fear about me, because I am also at a high risk for breast cancer. I wish there was a way to comfort him, but it will just come back to trusting God. What more can we humans do?

And beyond that, my dad is going to Alaska for 2 weeks, so I can't go visit him to get some encouragement, and I am still working at Pental for another month and a half, and Judah is still in daycare. I hope that this next month flies by so that I can be back at home. It's been the longest 2 months of my life... almost. :)

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