I am frustrated with myself.
Every month I get my "allowance" from Ricky, which is a big chunk of money for me to buy groceries, gas, and anything else I want. Now, it's a very good chunk of money, and it seems like plenty to take care of me for the month, but somehow I always run out. I have discovered, after some experimentation, that I am perfectly capable of feeding the entire family for under $100/week. Also, worst case scenario, if I fill up my tank every week for $35, then I would still have plenty left over for whatever I wanted. Yet somehow, not even mentioning my 5-hour paycheck every week, I run out of money.
There are so many things that I want to save up for. We need new dining chairs, and a booster seat for Judah, and some more RAM for the computer, a new microwave, and some jeans that fit, etc. (The list goes on.) I simply think to myself "ah, well, I'll just combine this month's and next month's extra cash, and go get it!" but it never turns out to be that simple. Ricky knows all too well, that I always come crawling on my knees, asking for more money to make it to the end of the month. I am a mess. I am still living the way that I did when both Ricky and I were working full time, but that just can't be done anymore. I have to make a change.
Today I went to the post office, and I walked away having spent $35. That should be well within my buffer, but I find myself stressing out and on edge as I speed home to check my account balance. Ricky, for your peace of mind, I did have plenty in there... So now I have spent the last half hour going over my statements looking at what it is that needs to be eliminated and/or controlled to stop my cycle of money shortage. I already knew what it was, but I had hoped that there might be another excuse, but it's always the same answer.
I have to stop drinking coffee (more than once a week) and I have to stop eating out. I hate that answer. First of all, I don't feel that I eat out that much, but it adds up so quickly. The entire last month, I only stopped for lunch or a snack attack a few times! Ricky, maybe an espresso machine for Christmas?? But then paired with an espresso the same day means I may as well have flushed any extra money for the week down the toilet.
Now, I am not saying that I shouldn't ever indulge a snack attack, or treat my friend to the movies, but I have to be aware of how much I am spending, and how often. I am putting myself on a strict allowance per week, and I will do my best to start covering more of the miscellaneous things that we need or want, rather than have Ricky always covering my butt.
This is going to be difficult.