Monday, January 12, 2009

The Female vs. The Mall

I am writing this blog to clear up some misconceptions about girls and shopping. Guys, we know that you get frustrated with us when it comes to dealing with this topic, but I would like a chance to defend this controversial activity, and also to provide some insight into what really goes on at the mall.

The following are some misconceptions that guys believe about girls and shopping:

1) Girls love to shop all the time!
False: Girls do bonding differently than guys. Guys are perfectly content to sit and play video games for a few hours while not speaking at all, and then call themselves best friends. Girls are a little more complicated. We like to hang out and talk and find things in common. Going to the mall is just one way to hang out and be together. This is also why your girlfriend will ask you to go to the mall with her. You shudder at the thought, but it's really just her way of wanting to hang out and talk to you, while avoiding the television, which can seem cold to us when you are trying to "bond."

2) Shopping with girls is too complicated. Can't you just grab what you want and leave?
No. There is a lot more that girls need to think about while shopping that guys never have to deal with. In fact, there is a whole list of things that guys don't think about, that leaves girls even more frustrated with the shopping process than the guy could ever be. So, dude, get over it because this is worse for the girl and it just makes it harder when you're over her shoulder complaining about obvious things to which you don't even know the beginning of. Be grateful you're not all dead already!

3) Girls never think anything looks good on them.
False: Clothing looks different on a mannequin than it does on a real female body. A girl has to try on every item of clothing before buying it, because she doesn't want to take it back when it ends up looking/fitting completely different at home. This is also why you may notice the woman in your life picking out every item that she even remotely likes, because she knows that she will enter the dressing room with 10 items, and leave with 2 (if she's lucky). This is something guys can't understand because a T-shirt, looks and fits like a T-shirt. A T-shirt looks and fits like a T-shirt in every store, and a girl would LOVE to wear T-shirts like you do everyday, but we dress the way we do FOR YOU! YOU SELFISH WASTE OF FLESH!!! So next time you want to be all up in arms about her trying everything on, rethink your attitude and be happy that she is dressing that way in the first place. Or, you can lend her some of your T-shirts to wear for the rest of her life, and see how you feel about it.


Next, here is a list of all the things a girl has to think about when looking at clothes that never even cross a guy's mind (some are reiterated from the list above):

a) WILL THIS HAVE TO BE DRY CLEANED? For you guys out there who do think about this, I will assume you are not married.

b) DOES IT FIT? Unlike men's clothing, woman sizes are different in every store, and every clothing brand. I could say that I wear a size 7 pants, but that's just a guess. In some stores I could be a size 3, and in others, an 11. How can it be so different you ask? I have no idea...

c) HOW DOES IT FIT? Like I said above, everything looks different from the mannequin. How it looks when it is actually on her body depends on the bust size, etc.

d) WHAT DOES IT FIT? Because girls have to look their best FOR YOU, there are many areas that women have to be conscious about. For instance, I am very modest and don't like to put "the girls" out on the grandstands, so anything that I try on needs to meet that standard. (This is the hardest thing to do EVER!) We also like to hide our tummy pudge, arms, a mole on our neck, and other various things in an attempt to live up the the unreachable standard that our society expects us to grasp.

e) DOES IT NEED TO BE IRONED? Another thing that men don't usually deal with, and I reiterate, if you do think about this, I'll assume you're not married.

f) DOES IT ATTRACT STAINS/FUZZ? Girls can't get rid of those two wrecked mountains that stare at them every moment of every day. Since guys don't understand that these loathsome irritations cause girls to constantly spill on themselves, we have to think about how noticeable a stain will be on our shirt. Also, some materials will draw cat fur or other fuzziness and be very noticeable, so we tend to stay away from those materials. We don't like to have to think about our clothes all day, or carry a lint remover in our purse.

g) IS IT SEE THROUGH OR TOO THIN? Our boobs need bras, and bras are not meant to be seen in order to maintain the illusion of perkiness. If a shirt is too thin then you can see the bra, either in vivid color, or bra lines. This is also the same reason that thong underwear was invented. If it's too thin, then you can see the panties, either in vivid color, or panty lines.

Now, as you can see, there is much that a girl has to think about when shopping. Hopefully I have shown at least a little sliver of insight for you guys. So please, have patience with your female when she's shopping, and be supportive, because she hates it too. (Being supportive does not mean saying everything looks good.) Keep the above list in mind, and help her with it. Constructive criticism is nice in moderation. She will be on edge the entire time anyway, so be gentle as well. Once again, she's dressing to impress you, so tell her you think she looks hott a few times a day.


Ricky said...

could I basically summarize this by saying: "Suck it up!" ?

Rosemary Ochs said...

If you are talking to the guy, then yes.

Kat said...

I also hate clothes that scratch or bind. They may look good, but if it isn't comfortable; forget it.

Kari said...

Wow. Way to say it! I've been telling Glen this forever... I might just print this out and leave it on the desk for him to read when he gets home! ;-)