Now one day, an evil elf from the North Pole went to Santa and said, "Santa, Christmastime is just too happy! There are too many children being good this time of year, and we have too many toys to make! And now you might give them a white Christmas!?!? This is just crazy!!!" So Santa replied, "Nonsense! We can't let all those kids down. Just think how sad they would be. Especially that baby boy, Judah, who is the cutest in the greater King County area. Christmas has to be the happiest time of year!" The elf quarreled back, "The cutest boy in the greater King County area doesn't even like Christmas because he doesn't know what it is!!" Santa, unable to convince the elf otherwise, BANISHED him from the North Pole never to return.
The elf was beside himself with anger, and sought out to find the cutest boy in the great King County area to teach him and his family to hate Christmas and show Santa what a fool he was for making Christmas so merry. So off he went to the Ochs' house, and found the baby boy, Judah, soundly asleep in his crib. In his rage, he put a curse on the boy that he would no longer be the cutest boy in the greater King County area, but he would contract a flesh eating disease to eat his face off until Christmas morning!!
Now when the parents awoke, they were very troubled to see their baby's face being eaten off by a flesh eating disease. They called the doctor, but the doctor was not there! They called doctors for hours trying to find someone who could help, but all to no avail. There was just so much merriment from Christmas, that no one was working! They were all around town making merry and drinking eggnog. Judah's parents were distraught with grief.
Santa, however, back at the North Pole, saw what the evil elf had done, and set on his way as fast as he could, to save Christmas for the Ochs family. On his sleigh, he carried the medicine that would heal the rare flesh eating disease that the boy was afflicted with. Santa arrived at the Ochs household the day before Christmas. He landed in the driveway with a "HO HO HO!" Judah's parents were overjoyed and ran out to meet him. Out of his sleigh, he drew the medicine, which he gave to Judah, and immediately, the flesh eating disease died, and Judah's skin was restored. Although, he was no longer the cutest boy in the greater King County area, he was now the cutest in the nation!
They all jumped up and down and thanked Santa for saving Christmas.
Now, this is what really happened. Judah really is the cutest boy in the nation, but there's more to the story.
Judah got a cold sore. Woop de doo. The cold sore got bigger, then bigger, then began to spread, and got bigger. The mother tried to call the doctor, but his office was closed because of the snow and his message inbox was full. Then the cold sore got bigger, and grew some more, and then got pussy. So the mother called the doctor again, and he was still closed, and the message inbox was still full. Then the sore got bigger and crustier! So the mother called the doctor AGAIN, and he was still closed. So she tried to page the doctor, but he never replied...
So the baby got worse, and he woke up several times during the night crying because his face hurt so bad. Finally, mom and dad had had enough with their doctor. So they called some other doctors, but they weren't open, so they called some more doctors, and they were open, but would only take their own patients, and is was a never ending cycle of "no one wants to look at your baby," so the parents hand was forced.
They set off to the ER. But because of the snow, their car got stuck in the driveway, and the neighbors had to dig them out. They finally got out, and took the long way to the hospital because some of the roads were closed. They got to the ER and signed in, doomed to wait 2 hours to be seen because the ER was full of other people because their doctors offices were also closed. Despite their exhaustion due to lack of sleep, they prepared themselves for the long haul. Judah, however, got tired, and refused to go to sleep. So the mother walked him around the ER over and over and over trying to keep him quiet. He preferred to scream. She tried to feed him, and he still screamed. She tried to read to him, and have dad play with him, and she tried everything she could think of, but he still preferred to scream.
Finally, their name was called, and the nurse took them to see a doctor. She diagnosed the problem as a cold sore that became infected with impetigo (bacterial/staff infection). She wrote a prescription and sent the family on their way. They were still very tired, but thanked the doctor several times because they just wanted their baby to get better.
So off they went to the pharmacy to fill the prescription. The parents decided that dad and baby would wait in the parking lot, and mom would just run in really quickly. It took half an hour to fill the prescription. When they finally thought it was done, the insurance company made a ridiculous claim that the insurance information was inaccurate, and they would not cover the medication. Now this was ridiculous since the parents have some of the best medical coverage possible. So the mother called the insurance company, but they were closed because of the weather too! So she had to pay for the medication out of pocket (which was not cheap) and will have to go back later to be reimbursed. All of this took another half hour, adding up to a total of an hour waiting for a prescription. All the while, in the car, the father was trying to keep the baby quiet, who still refused to sleep. The baby screamed and screamed and daddy was going deaf and getting a headache.
Finally, mom came out and they were ready to leave. But because of all the lazy last minute shoppers at the mall, it took a great while to get out of the parking lot, and back to their home.
But now, all is well. Father, mother, and baby all got rested and were in higher sprits just a few hours later. AND the baby will soon be on his way to being the cutest baby in the nation.