Friday, November 23, 2007

So, last year's Christmas was one of the best in my life. I was one month away from getting married, and of course, I had 15 perfect gifts to give Ricky. In fact, it seemed everyone in the family had the perfect gifts. This year has been a little different.

We have great gifts and great gift ideas for everyone, but they all know! Daniel knows what he's getting, Kat knows what she's getting, Ricky knows what he's getting (I had him order it for me) and so on. Now that I'm thinking about it, there are still quite a few good surprises out there for some, but my main point is that this year just doesn't seem as magical.

Maybe it's partially because we just got done with black Friday and I have to work tomorrow. It's possible that the magical Christmas spirit just hasn't settled in yet. I still have the feeling of having so much to do. I love Christmas so much, but perhaps I just haven't been given the chance to love it as much as it deserves.

Just wait until we go pick out a tree and decorate it. And the best part it that this will be our first Christmas tree together as husband and wife. I'll have to make Ricky sleep under the tree with me) We have already wrapped gifts to put underneath it! And that's not even the best news.

For Christmas this year we are getting a kitten! That will be exciting. Although, Ricky has some chores to finish before that will happen. I love this time of year. I hope that it turns into one of the best Christmas's of my life.

Oh yeah, and Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

Saturday, November 10, 2007

An old friend showed up at church on Sunday. It should have been one of the happiest days of my life, but it most definetly wasn't. To be honest, I look for her every Sunday, so I should have been extatic when she actually showed. I would rather forget about her; have her call me 5 years from now when she has a kid, and is living with some guy with a dead end job at the movie theatre.

It's better than living with the guilt that I pushed her away, or wondering what would have happened if I never got married, or that I never should have gone to Costa Rica, or what if I actually got up the nerve to kick her out of the wedding party. At least there would have been more closure. If I had done that then I wouldn't have to deal with her just deciding not to return my calls, or blatantly lying to my face. "Yes I broke up with him" Not. "I quit smoking" Not. I still love God" Not.

What made you think that I didn't want to still be your friend? I might not be able to trust you, but I still love you. I think about you every day. And now I know that you hated me this whole time. You hate everything that I stand for. So I'll stay out of your life if you stay out of mine.

Lord, change my heart.