Thursday, August 30, 2007

My newest challenge

Well, I have an excuse to blog right now. It's 5am and I am awake... just like every other night this week.

For the past week and a half I have woken up every night around 4ish. I have no idea why my sleep cycle would be off, so it's really frustrating. Tonight I woke up at 3:30, but I was actually able to roll over and fall back asleep, only to be discouraged by waking up again at 4:45. Even worse is the fact that I am going camping this weekend, so I may be tired the entire time.

I suppose I should write about something else though. Thanks to my mother in law, I've been trying to do a lot less griping. :)

So church has been anything but challenging lately. We've been in the desert for quite some time now. The desert being those times in your life when you don't feel/see God moving the way that He used to. Not to say that He's not moving, but regardless, it's not impacting my life the way it did before. Ricky and I are trying to compensate by reading the Word and praying together every night (which I have really enjoyed), but I have just really been searching for that "challenge." Something to make me think, and question, and build my faith. I want to go so much deeper in understanding, and not just be that Christian who accepts everything that's told to me without question.

When someone who does not believe in Christ throws an argument at me, I not only want to be able to defend myself, but I also want to completely blow them away and shred their argument to peices. Sound vicious? We're going to have to be if we want to see God change people's lives... in a godly way of course. :) I'm sure that anyone reading this blog knows that most will no longer accept a well thought out argument for Christianity. No one can be wrong anymore. They will accept our beliefs and "respect" them, but whether Christianity makes sense or not means nothing if there is work involved on their part.

In response to this, I bought a book called "Atheism: The Case Against God," and older book written for college students I think. I know it will be a challenge just to read. It will be written by someone who hates (i.e. "does not believe in") God. I chose this on purpose in order to really understand where these thoughts come from, rather than buying a book that addresses it from a Christian perspective. A Christian book would just water it down. This book will state the argument as if the fact has been proven that God does not exist, and that is what will prepare me for battle in the real world.

Just coming out of my Christian bubble has been world shaking, but come to find out, my bubble is just a teeny tiny portion of the world; a world screaming for life...

... and they don't even know it.

Friday, August 24, 2007

OK, so it's been over 3 months since I've been on this thing. I am OFFICIALLY a worthless blogger.

Anyway, I just need somewhere to vent about my frustrations at work.

So many things have been changing, and none of them make any sense and are just annoying in general. Things were going so well at first. It seemed that the owner of the company really liked me, and after awhile, he even wanted me to start doing "more important things." Things like working with the customers more, helping at the front, things that were quite a step up from the data entry/entry level responsibilities that I had been handling. It seemed things were going to start looking up for me.

After a few weeks of doing my "more important" tasks, it turned out that I didn't have enough to do because business had slowed some, and there were just not enough "important" things to go around. My supervisor and I decided that it would be best for me to pick up some of my older responsibilities (since I was better at it anyway) to fill up my time. I may as well be productive than do nothing. So I went back to data entry for a few more weeks, and, long story short, a certain person in my office had been taking credit for my work the entire time. It basically appeared that I had been doing nothing the last few months.

How frustrating was that?! I found out about all this because I was not invited to a very important meeting about MY JOB! When I questioned this, people seemed puzzled, like, "Why would we need you there?" I might as well have been stabbed with a fork. What did they think I had been doing the entire day? I confronted the person responsible, and she basically just inserted a BS reply and tried to convince me that this was all in our "best interest." I was discouraged (to say the least). So we rearranged everything again, and it has left me once again, with nothing to do for the past month or so.

Business picked up again recently, so it hasn't been as bad as it was at first, but I still feel like a worthless employee. Well, not completely worthless, but just not very productive. I have to be busy or else I go crazy. I want to feel like I am at least pulling my weight around the office. Is that such a bad thing?

There's a lot more to complain about, but I'll stop there. Fussing about it won't change anything...